NA Beers in the Field
Howdy,
Near the beginning of the 1999 cinematic masterpiece The Mummy, Rachel Weisz’s character, Evelyn Carnahan, explains in an expositional exchange with her brother Jonathan that her application to the Bembridge Scholars has been rejected again, citing her lack of fieldwork. This quick line tells us two crucial things: that she’s an expert egyptologist (see later: “what does a woman know”), and that she needs field work which, since she clearly wants to be a Bembridge Scholar, implies that she might be more predisposed to risks that get her field experience than you’d otherwise expect of a self-proclaimed Librarian.
Which is to say, for this week’s post, I’ve conducted some fieldwork of my own, in tracking down and sampling a pretty broad swath of NA beers. I probably wouldn’t have thought this a terribly fruitful project if not for my recent stint in New York, during which I discovered (and was gifted by a charming companion) a pretty impressive variety of NA beers, including a Hoppy Lager and a Chocolate Milk Stout, of all things.
As such, upon my return this week, I hit the bottle shop, and to my mild surprise, found a veritable bevy of NA beers, my thoughts on which comprise the following.
Chocolate Milk Stout, Untitled Art - <.5%
Nose: basically chocolate milk
Maybe a touch of hop-y funk
Taste: there are elements of chocolate milk, and even egg cream, speaking of NYC (probably lactose, definitely cacao), but the carbonation is high and it has a balancing mineral edge and dryness
It’s lighter, or perhaps less punchy, than a typical stout, but has a touch more body than other NA beers I’ve tried
It does taste vaguely “fermented,” but that character is restrained
It still has a pleasant “adult” bitterness, somewhere in between dark chocolate and tonic water
Special Effects Hoppy Lager, Brooklyn - <.5%
Nose: a touch of ginger, which I noticed quite consistently on these
Not a ton of malt or hops; perhaps a touch of honey and crystal
Mouthfeel - carbonation is dead center, the beer has a smooth mouthfeel without feeling thin; along the lines of a dark mild; not quite as thin as seltzer
Flavor - artificial ginger, again, but also a vague thin pilsnery maltiness, and that balanced bitterness layered on a quiet undercurrent of malty sweetness; not simple sugars (as those would be fermented away quickly by yeast)
The hop character reminds me a bit of a hop tea; the hops are louder than they would be in a standard beer
It tastes suspiciously similar to a messed-with Brooklyn Lager, and it’d be cheapest for them to process a bulk-brewed beer, so...it’s probably that
St Pauli NA - <.5%
Nose: typical skunked german import, but with a touch of that ginger note
Mouthfeel: pretty close to beer, definitely a bit creamer than the BK
Flavor: pretty close to beer again, with that slight ginger note hidden more craftily by a slightly more present malty-sweet body; Pils malt comes through crystal clear
Really delicious for what it is
Hopwtr Classic (Sparkling Hop Tea) - 0%
Nose: similar to opening a bag of hops, but a touch less funk, and an almost citrus-y, soda-y cleanliness
Flavor: really clean, really nice, almost like a pesto soda for whatever reason
Carbonation is nice and bright, if a touch low as far as seltzers go
A bit like a carbonated tea, but it’s...hops
It doesn’t quite hit the “I’d like a beer” spot, but it gets close, and that fact makes it more versatile (read: easier to drink at 10am)
“Enough Said” Helles, Two Roots (GABF ‘19 Gold Medal winner) - <.5%
Nose: quite close to an american pilsner, maybe an american light lager, with less of a malty punch
Taste: wow. Nice. A slight acidity and bracing bitterness which really sell the “beer” vibes, on top of a pleasant, almost vaguely fruit-punch-y maltiness
There’s a bit of that artificial ginger note, but it’s perhaps as subtle as it’s been - quite close to the Brooklyn
But there’s not much else to say; it’s a beautifully de-alcoholized beer
Though what’s quite interesting is that I notice a flavor so common in my early home brews, but which I can’t quite place - a touch of diacetyl? Esters? It’s unclear
Conclusion
If you’d like to cut back on your calorie intake, cut down your alcohol intake, and/or blend into a party without slugging down several beers over the course of a night, you now have a pretty staggering amount of options, given the historically absent interest in a beer minus the “beer.” I’d recommend grabbing one out of curiosity, and heck, if enough of you would like one, I’m sure we could put out an NA Mild at some point!
Cheers,
Adrian “Teetotaltastic” Febre